By Sheri Hall

After my husband came home from his second tour in Iraq I noticed he had a deep, dark, hollow look in his eyes. I asked him if he needed to talk to someone. I let him know that I was supportive but he wasn’t receptive at the time. I think he felt he needed to be the “macho” soldier.

I was never fearful for Jeff’s life while he was in combat, since I knew that he trained himself well. But that all changed when Jeff returned and began having suicidal thoughts. I told him that while I didn’t know the effects of combat, I knew that something was wrong. It was hard because he kind of pushed me and our two daughters away. Finally, after going to his commander, I sat down with him and said, “If you kill yourself, how do I explain it to your daughters, your mother and father, and my family?” It was like a light bulb went on, with the help of his commander we found a psychologist who got Jeff into an intensive 3-week treatment program at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., at the Deployment Health Clinical Center. 

As a military spouse you are often the first one to notice when something is different when your service member returns from combat.  Look for signs; changes in sleep patterns, aggression, mood swings, lack of engagement with family, loss of interest and most importantly keep that line of communication as open as possible. I wish I had stood firmer with Jeff and said, “No, you’re going to get help” when he resisted. Don’t just let things be.

There are so many great resources available for those dealing with reintegration and the possible effects of combat stress following a deployment.  I recommend checking out the free resources offered through the Real Warriors Campaign and the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury, such as the Outreach Center’s live chat, which instantly connects users with trained health resource consultants who offer support for psychological health concerns.  The Outreach Center is also available through a 24/7 confidential and anonymous hotline at 866-966-1020.

One of the great things about the Outreach Center is that anyone can call on behalf of a loved one or friend if you think they may be experiencing psychological health concerns to learn about resources are available in their area.  The Real Warriors Campaign website also features articles for active duty, National Guardsmen and reservists, veterans, family members and health professionals with practical tips on everything from post-deployment, during deployment to reintegration.

My husband is still serving. He is currently Operations Training Officer, Team 1, 1^st Army Headquarters in Rock Island, Illinois.

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