Nancy Vineburgh directs the Office of Public Education and Preparedness for the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress.
Nancy Vineburgh directs the Office of Public Education and Preparedness for the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress (CSTS). CSTS is part of the Department of Psychiatry, Uniformed Services University Medical School in Bethesda, Maryland, and a component site of the Defense Centers of Excellence (DCoE) for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury. Vineburgh is a health communications educator specializing in mental health and military health.
Have you ever experienced this situation? Something’s not right and you need help—it could be as simple as with a household appliance, a child’s behavior in school or a health issue affecting you or someone you love.
For whatever reason you let it go, only to have it get worse or become more complicated. The bottom line for many people is ‘asking for help’ is something they fear or don’t know how to go about doing. Both of these reasons prevent many people from seeking and receiving help for so many treatable conditions such as depression, anxiety, misuse of alcohol and drugs. There are times we might benefit from having someone help us with everyday tasks such as childcare or grocery shopping when one is sick but we don’t know how to ask for help.
“Asking for help” is a skill we learn as a child. We learn to politely ask for help, communicate what we need, and thank the individual who has helped us. As we get older, we are afraid of being seen as weak, incompetent or a burden on others. When asking for help is difficult or delayed, manageable issues become more complex, require more time, and often are more costly emotionally and practically.
Here’s how to ask for help:
1. Accept: This is perhaps the most important step. Acknowledging the need for assistance is important but equally important is the willingness to accept help and believing that you are truly deserving of the help.
2. Assess: Take the time to think through exactly what you need. This allows you to think about what is most important and help shape your request. Most people will be willing to help when you ask. Help them by being specific on how they can help.
3. Ask: This is your time to take action and where you make the request! Remember, in-person requests are best—but not always possible. Being courteous, direct and specific regarding the request are the rules.
4. Again: As with any skill, it requires practice. So, if it helped, do it again! A nice final touch would not only be to thank the person, but also to share about how much he/she has helped.
During the holidays and the start of a New Year, consider the importance of ‘asking for help’ to enhance your well being and that of your family and loved ones. We at the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress want to wish all of our nation’s soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines, and their loved ones a wonderful and happy holiday season.
Visit cstsonline.org to access our “Asking for Help” and “Courage to Care” fact sheets on military health.
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